Kindness

One of the most important things I learned while living in Wisconsin was how to be more kind and how to give help.  To really give it, not just say, "Let me know if you need anything!"  I was able to learn this lesson because people showed kindness to me and helped me and my family.  For years I had friends randomly bringing over custard or a treat, bringing in dinner without the Relief Society arranging it, friends calling to check on me after babies and terrible bouts of mastitis.  Almost without fail, every time I was sick or I had a sick child, I had friends come and get the healthy kids and keep them for hours.  I also worked hard to reciprocate these kind deeds.  I helped friends after car accidents, back problems, births, surgeries, mastitis.  I made phone calls, mailed notes, delivered treats.  It was a village.  A village I am still trying to find here.  

Since September I have felt more of myself.  Fifteen months after moving here and twelve months after having Gretchen I feel more of that kind and helpful person coming back.  I feel more in control of my own life, and so it is easier for me to look and see others and what they might need.  And it feels good and it makes me happy and gives me hope for my future in this state.  

Even though Richard starts his job in April and our lease for our rental home is up the end of June, we have decided not to rush into moving.  We are looking into building a home, and still keeping our eye on the housing market for our "dream home".  This decision has made me want to try again to make friends here, something I had basically given up on in January.  

Since September I have taken dinner to a couple of neighbors, tried to get outside and talk more, and talk to more people at church, even though I am in primary.  This last Saturday our ward had their annual Halloween dinner and trunk-or-treat.  We did not go to this event last year, and Richard was working the whole weekend this year, but I signed up to bring chili and decided the kids and I would go anyway.  

I showed up at the party optimistic and ready for a fun evening.  I made the chili, got all the kids dressed up, loaded everyone into the car, drove to the church, unloaded everyone, and asked the girls to push Gretchen in the stroller so I could carry my crock-pot with a double batch of chili.  I walked into a church gym literally swarming with people and crazy kids.  I immediately pined away for my small Wisconsin church gatherings, but I gathered my courage and proceeded through the night.  I found a table for the kids and I to sit at, left to situate my chili, came back to the table and someone had moved our stuff.  So I found another table, sat down for the prayer, and then got us in line for food.  I maneuvered, by myself, dinner plates and bowls of chili, for all of us while pushing Gretchen in the stroller.  By the time we got back to our table I was relieved no one had spilled their chili, but also slightly peeved no one had offered to help me.  

I made it through the dinner and after my kids had run away to play I moved over to another woman at our table to visit with her.  She was with her family, but her husband and two teenage daughters were just playing a game on their phones.  She and I talked, and she was nice, but I felt lost.  Every where I looked there were clumps of people talking.  No one had said hello to me, no one even acknowledged that I was there.  

About an hour and a half in, they announced the three winners of the chili cook-off.  I won first place.  Lo and behold, after that, everyone wanted to talk to me.  Not going to lie, every person who came up to me to make conversation after my chili won I wanted to punch and ask where they were for the last 90 minutes.  Not the best attitude, I know.  :)

I came home from the party discouraged and frustrated.  The next afternoon I went to church with the last of those feelings still lingering.  Richard was working on Sunday so I didn't go to primary because I had to take care of Gretchen.  This also meant that Rachel didn't go to primary because she is incredibly too attached to me!  Both girls did well through Sunday School and half of Relief Society.  Halfway through the last hour of church things started to unravel.  Rachel was tired and just wanted to sit on my lap.  Gretchen was also tired and wanted the same thing.  Neither of them wanted to share my lap.  So, there I was, sitting along the side wall of the Relief Society room, once again, by myself, trying to get the three of us through the last 20 minutes of church.  

All of a sudden, a woman in the Relief Society presidency, who had been sitting at the front of the room, came and sat in the chair next to me, took Gretchen, picked up her toys, and played with her for the remaining 20 minutes of church.  I immediately began to cry, though I did my best not to, but I was so touched and overwhelmed by her simple act of kindness.  I was known, I had been seen, and I had been helped. 

It was yet again another reminder to me, and encouragement to keep going.  People need kindness.  People need help.  Don't be shy about giving help.  Just give it.  I am pretty sure that woman had no idea how much her simple act of moving seats and holding Gretchen meant to me, but I will never forget that simple kindness.