So Many Feelings

This summer has been hard.  How many times have I said that?  A lot.  

I have been counting down the days until school started...but last night after Back to School Night I cried, and I cried, and I cried.  I hadn't cried in six days...so those tears had been stored up for a while.  :)

The thing that has been challenging with this move is I start to feel adjusted, settled, and in a good routine, and then something happens, and I feel completely unsettled all over again.  

As we start a new school year, in a new state, in a new school, with new teachers, and new kids, I long for the familiarity and comfort of our Wisconsin life.  I miss the small playground, the familiar faces, the comfort of knowing teachers, and them knowing us.  I miss the smallness of Eisenhower Elementary on Center Street in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin...the smaller building, the smaller class sizes...the organization.  ;)  

So even though we are all adapting to what our life is now, today I deeply ache for what our life was. 

And even though this summer has been hard, it has also been really great.  We have had SO much time together, me and the three kids.  They have become each other's best little friends, and while I still have to break up fights and I want to pull my hair out at some point each day, there have been a lot of good moments.  Their imaginations have kept them company this summer.  Last week they built an airplane in the family room and flew to Alaska.  The week before they flew to Wisconsin.  The other day Bridget became a veterinarian.  So even though I have longed for a quiet house for weeks, now that it is here, I am sad that Marshall and Bridget are not right under foot each second of my day.  

I hope the very best for Marshall and Bridget as they start off on this new adventure.  I am much more nervous for Marshall than I am for Bridget, which usually seems to be the case.  I dropped him off at his first football practice two weeks ago and cried.  I told Richard I think for Marshall's entire life I will cry every time he does something new, because everything he experiences for the first time, I experience too.  

All morning long I have kept thinking about this quote, 

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”   -Elizabeth Stone

Today my heart is worried and anxious.  I so hope Marshall has a good day.  I hope he adjusts to spending half of his day in French.  I hope he doesn't get lost navigating the much larger school.  I hope I can find him after school in a sea of hundreds of children.  I hope he has someone to play with during his three recesses.  I hope the kids are kind, oh how I hope the kids are kind.  I hope he makes friends.   

I kept my brave and excited face on for him this morning.  He showed much more excitement today than I was anticipating.  He and I enjoyed some snuggles on the couch this morning and then after getting ready he spent his morning bouncing around the house.  He held my hand as we walked onto the playground and stood on the blacktop with way too many people for a flag ceremony.  I followed him into the building with his class and kissed his cheek and told him I loved him right before he walked into his class.  It was only then I picked up on a glisten of tears in his eyes and as soon as I turned around and put my sunglasses back on I let all my tears come.  He was so brave this morning.  I hope he will always be brave.

And so here we are.  The summer I so desperately wanted to end has ended and I am a wreck of emotion.  But I do know that we will find our new groove and routine just like we have all summer long and it will all be okay.  

Weekend In Provo

Almost every time we visited Utah, no matter how long or short our trip was, Richard found a way to get down to BYU.  Amazingly, we had lived here over a month before we finally made the drive down to Richard's happy place.  

We made an entire day of it.  It was a great time and we came home happy and tired.  We sufficiently wore everyone out.  Speaking of being worn out, I only took pictures of about half the things we did that day...oh well!

We started the day off with lunch in the Cougareat.  We actually ran into one of Richard's good friends, Brent, from the BYU Marching Band.  He and his family were in town from Nevada, and like Richard, had to make a stop in Provo during their time in Utah.  We used to have Sunday dinners with them years ago when we were all BYU students, so it was a special surprise to run into them.  

After lunch we went to the bookstore.  This was the only low point of the day as both Marshall and Bridget wanted every single thing in sight and created quite a commotion at the checkout counter.  :)  

Once we made it through that scuttle, we took the kids bowling.  That was a hit and fun was had by all.  

Next stop was the Bean Museum where we met Uncle Jordan for a bit.  

Our last stop on BYU's campus was Legacy Hall to see all things sports and awards.  

Just because...this made us all a bit nostalgic.  

After our BYU hurrah, we drove up to Orem to have dinner with "Big Marshall" and his family.  Sadly, I did not take picture of the whole gang, but it sure was a great time.  They fed us well and the kids had fun with all the toys.  It was a perfectly successful day!

Scare #1

As if this summer wasn't exciting enough, both our girls have given us scares that have required doctor and hospital visits.  First, I am so glad this isn't our normal way of life!  Second, having family so close has certainly come in handy.

Bridget gave us scare number one on July 22nd.  It was a Friday morning and both Marshall and Bridget were in their rec classes at the park.  Rachel and I were also at the park.  Usually, I kept an eye on both kids, but this particular day I was so tired that I packed a bag of toys for Rachel and she just played on the grass by me.  I occasionally glanced up at Marshall who was on the basketball court, but I never looked Bridget's way under the bowery doing arts and crafts.  Well, classes ended and once Marshall got to me and Rachel we walked over to the bowery to get Bridget, but she wasn't with her class.  One of the teachers told me that Bridget had slipped off the bench and so the other teacher (these were teenage girls) took Bridget to the bathroom to get her a tissue.  I was easily appeased by her answer and seconds later Bridget and her teacher came out of the bathroom.

As soon as I saw Bridget, even though she was still yards away from me, I knew something was very wrong.  She was pale and was walking so slow, slow enough that the teacher took her hand.  As soon as Bridget got to me she passed out, which thankfully I was completely ready for and caught her.  I just held her for a few seconds and she was able to come to again.  I asked her teachers if they knew what happened and they told me they didn't see her fall, but just thought she slipped off the bench.  This slipping off the bench left her with a huge goose egg right in the middle of her forehead.  When Bridget came to enough to talk she told me she fell asleep doing her craft.  Things weren't totally making sense to me, but I gathered the kids in the van and we headed to my mom's house.  

My initial plan was just to go to my mom's because she is a nurse and is very level-headed in these situations.  I figured we could just spend some time there, keep an eye on Bridget, and if needed, I could take her in to be seen.  But, as soon as we got in the car Bridget fell asleep and was still so pale.  I talked to my mom on the phone and we agreed she definitely needed to be seen.  I called our brand new pediatrician's office and found out it was our pediatrician's early day, but she did want to see us as soon as she finished with her patients, just after noon.  So I dropped Marshall and Rachel off with my mom and we went to the doctor.

Poor Bridget.  Despite all her head injuries, I had never seen her in such a state.  She was so, so pale and slept the entire time we were in the car.  I carried her into the office and she just clung to me.  Every time she moved she told me her tummy hurt.  By this time I had started to piece together that she must have passed out, fallen off the bench, and hit her head on the cement.  Her teachers saw her laying on the ground and picked her up, and Bridget did remember waking up on her teachers lap.  Being teenage girls, and not really knowing Bridget, they thought she just slipped and walked her to the bathroom to clean up.  Thinking about this rips my heart out.  Bridget looked so miserable, I can't even imagine how she felt walking to and from that bathroom with someone she hardly knew.  I'm sure she had a splitting headache and was so dizzy.  Oh my heart...so, so sad.

Anyway, these were the conditions in which we met our new pediatrician!  Not so favorable.  She was really, really great though.  She gave Bridget a very thorough exam and decided that she indeed had a concussion.  We talked through her whole history of passing out and tossed around some possible ideas of why.  The doctor did hear a heart murmur on her and referred us to see a pediatric cardiologist at Primary Children's.  By the time we left the doctor, it had been about three hours since her fall and if she was laying down she was more talkative, less pale, and more herself.  So that was a huge relief to see some improvement.  The doctor sent us home with instructions to take it very easy that weekend and get an appointment with the cardiologist.  

Bridget spent the rest of the day on the couch or my bed watching movies.  She wasn't too hungry and continued to complain of a headache and nausea when she moved, but she got more and more talkative and animated as the day went on.  She did tell me later that day that she remembered getting very dizzy before she fell asleep in class.  I called the cardiologist that day and was shocked and delighted to be able to get an appointment for Wednesday afternoon.

We had grand plans for the weekend, which we obviously altered, to accommodate Bridget.  Richard's parents came into town on Friday night and stayed with us until Sunday.  Even though we changed our plans with them, it really was perfect they were here.  Saturday morning Richard and Bob took Rachel and Marshall out for the morning.  Becky and I stayed home with Bridget and played lots of games, read books, and watched shows.  At one point Bridget told me, "I am having the best morning of my life!"

By lunch time, Bridget was doing well enough that we met everyone else at Chick-Fil-A for lunch.  Thankfully, the playground was closed, which made all the kids sad, but I was grateful I didn't have to worry about that with Bridget!

We spent the rest of the day relaxing, napping, and playing games at home.  We sure enjoyed our time with Bob and Becky and it really was so helpful to have them there during a bit of a stressful and worrisome weekend!

Bridget continued to improve each day, and by Tuesday she seemed 100% back to herself.  On Wednesday we met with the cardiologist and spent our entire afternoon up at Primary Children's...it was exhausting for me and boring for Bridget!  She had an EKG done which came back absolutely perfect.  She does have a heart murmur, but the cardiologist called it subtle and innocent, nothing she was worried about or that would cause her to pass out.  She did say that it is very unusual for a young child to pass out.  Things that would normally cause a teenager or adult to pass out (dehydration, low blood sugar, etc.) don't cause young kids to pass out, so that is concerning.  

We decided to have Bridget wear a holter monitor for the next 48 hours which would monitor her heart activity.  Bridget was such a good sport as they got her all hooked up.  She was quite self-conscious about it that day, but by  Thursday morning didn't even seem bothered by it.  She slept in it for two nights and wasn't worried about leaving the house on Thursday or Friday.  

We mailed the monitor back 2 1/2 weeks ago so now we are just waiting to hear back on the results.  The cardiologist said it takes a few weeks to get the monitor back and analyze it and I am anxious to hear from her...hopefully next week!

If it comes back with irregularities, Bridget will get an echocardiogram.  If it comes back normal, we will get a full blood work up on her to check her iron levels, thyroid, etc.  

All of this uncertainty is hard on me!  I worry about her passing out and getting yet another head injury.  I worry about sending her to school every day when we are still not sure what is going on.  Bridget is such a care-free, happy, easy-going girl that I don't want her to have any big problem to deal with.  Oh how this hurts my heart!  I do hope we can get an answer though, the unknown is so hard!  In the mean time though, we have talked to Bridget about what to do if she ever feels dizzy again...lay down and ask an adult for help!  We'll see how this continues to play out!

Swimming Lessons

After just days of living here, I signed Marshall and Bridget up for semi-private swim lessons.  I only signed up for five lessons, after paying an arm and a leg, so I was hoping that between those lessons and swimming at our pool at least once a week we could make some good head-way with their comfort in the water.  And now as we close out the summer, I think it was a success!  

They were both so nervous to begin with, especially Marshall, but they did great.  I did love watching them in the water together; it reminded me of taking swimming lessons with my brother Ben.  

Now, weeks later, Bridget is really great at going all the way under water.  She still gets nervous in the big pool, even with her puddle jumper, but she loves the little pool.  She'll take a big breath and just go right under.  Marshall is awesome in the big pool, with his puddle jumper.  :)  He will now jump off the stairs, plug his nose, and go all the way under the water.  And just the other day he did take off his puddle jumper in the big pool and did some good swimming with me.  

I love these two and love watching them learn new things, even if it is a bit scary.  :)

Not the greatest picture, but I was proud of them.  :)

Our first time swimming in our pool, before they started lessons, Marshall was a wreck.  We were at the pool for over two hours and he only got in the big pool at the very end.  The next week when we went swimming again, he spent over two hours in the pool and had a great time.  At one point he declared, "I trust my puddle jumper now!"

Oh Rachel, she is such a little mother, and I adore her.  :)  Bridget didn't want to put her sandals on, and without missing a beat, Rachel bent right down and helped her out.  

As promised, after their fifth and final lesson, we took them out for a treat of their choosing.  Dairy Queen for blizzards and cheese curds.  

A couple of weeks ago we were the only ones at our neighborhood pool.  Marshall was in heaven and swam the length of it multiple times.  

Sisters.  :)

Outings With Grandma

In our first couple of weeks here my mom took Marshall and Bridget out for some special one-on-one time.  

Bridget chose to go to the Beehive House and Nelson's Frozen Custard.

Marshall chose to go to the Hill Air Force Space Museum and ended his outing at Dairy Queen to have cheese curds.  :)

Both kids had a delightful time and loved their outings with Grandma Laura.  And I enjoyed some time with just two kids at home.  :)

Family Pictures

Last summer the kids and I spent so many days at beaches on Lake Michigan.  On one of those beach days, I had the idea that I wanted family pictures on the beach before we moved.  I even held off all birthday and Christmas presents to save enough money for these pictures.  

Just days before we moved, we drove up to Port Washington to our favorite beach, in a complete downpour of rain, to get these pictures.  We lucked out, the rain turned to a drizzle, and then eventually disappeared.  I am so delighted with how these pictures turned out; they perfectly capture our family.